Novac

 
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U ovih zadnjih par tjedana sam ja, kao čovjek, puno toga naučio. Vidio, čuo, ali što je najvažnije od svega, shvatio.

Ljudi su apatični. Svi živimo svoje živote, gledamo svoja posla i ne razmišljamo ni o čemu izvan rutine. Kada se nešto dogodi što bi nas trebalo protresti iz te apatije, većina nas odmahuje rukom. Tako i tako nema smisla. Jer ništa ne čini promjenu. To se zove naučena bespomoćnost. Nas ovo društvo, naši političari, vođe, akademici, roditelji pa i vršnjaci uče da ne možemo ništa napraviti. Da ma što učinili, ne možemo utjecati na stvarnost koja je loša.

Pričao sam s prijateljem o tome. On na moje stavove i razmišljanja gleda sa podsmijehom. Kao da sam budala koja je otkrila toplu vodu, i sad priča o tome i troši vrijeme, energiju i živce. On mi je rekao nešto zanimljivo, nešto što je opisalo tu apatiju, tu naučenu bespomoćnost bolje nego što sam ja to uspio na bilo koji način do sada.

Rekao je: "A koji je smisao svega toga? Recimo, da se nas petsto dogovori da ćemo nešto učiniti. Da ćemo blokirati faks, na primjer. I onda, na dan dogovora, dođe nas tri od petsto? Jer nitko neće držati do svoje riječi, jer nikog nije briga. Svi razmišljamo o tome, ali nitko ništa ne radi." Ovo je parafraza, ali otprilike je rekao to.

Moj odgovor je bio vrlo jednostavan, ali je dao savršen opis te naučene bespomoćnosti. Rekao sam mu: "I zato si ti jedan od 497 koji nisu došli. Zašto nisi jedan od trojice koji su došli, i sad očajavaju jer nema ovih ostalih?" Na to sam dobio sam osmjeh u odgovor. Jer ni on nije znao odgovor. Jer je i on došao do trenutka kada je oči u oči gledao tekovinu našeg društva. Naučena bespomoćnost.

Zato je najgora stvar koju ljudi rade, pod ljudi mislim mladi ljudi koji žive danas, da ne rade baš ništa. Ništa su sarkastični podsmijesi na kavama, smišljanje razloga zašto nešto ne bi funkcioniralo i sve ostalo na što smo toliko naviknuti kao na normalnost.

E, pa, ja odbijam. Možete me zvati idealistom, luđakom, budalom ili bilo čim. Ja odbijam biti apatičan. Sad mogu samo govoriti. I govorit ću dok god mogu, i dok god imam koga povlačiti za rukav. Ali neću ostati samo na govoru, već ću pokušati stvoriti novu priliku da još više ljudi shvati ovo što sam ja shvatio.

Da nismo ovce, već ljudi.

***

In the last couple of weeks I, as a human being, have learned a lot. I saw, heard, but most important of all, I understood.

People are apathetic. We live our lives, mind our own business and don't think about anything outside the routine. When something does happen which should rattle us out of the apathy, most of us dismiss it without second thought. There's no use anyways. It's not like it will change anything. That's called learned helplessness. We're taught by this society, these politicians, academics, parents and our peers that nothing can be done. That, whatever we might do, we can't exert any influence over our reality, which is usually horrible in so many ways.

I had a conversation about this with a friend. He smirks at my opinions and thoughts. He sees me as a fool who discovered hot water, and now talks about it and uselessly spends his time, energy and calmness of mind. He told me something interesting, something which describes this apathy, this learned helplessness better than anything I managed to say all this time.

He said: "And what's the purpose of it all? For example, if five hundred of us decided that we'll do something. Blockade our college for example. And then, on the day when we agreed to do it, only three of us showed up, out of the five hundred who agreed to do it? Because nobody will really show up, because they don't care. We all think about it, but we won't really do anything." I paraphrased, but that's what he said.

My answer was pretty simple, but gave a perfect description of his learned helplessness. I answered him: "And that's why you're one of the 497 who didn't show up. Why aren't you one of the three who showed up, and are now being desperate about the others who didn't?" His reply was a smile. Because he didn't know what to say. Because he too realized that he was standing face to face with the legacy of our society. Learned helplessness.

That's why the worst thing people can do, by people I especially mean young people living today, is to do absolutely nothing. Nothing means sarcastic smiles over a cup of coffee, thinking of reasons why something might not work and everything else we're used to because it's normal.

Well, I refuse. You can call me an idealist, lunatic, fool or something else. I refuse to be apathetic. I can only talk now. And I'll talk as long as I can, and as long as I can make someone to listen to me. But I won't stop at talking, but try to create a new opportunity to make other people realize what I realized.

That we're not sheep, but people.


 

Jednog dana
ja zastanem
a ona raste dalje
u meni dok me cijelog ne proraste
i stigne na rub mene. Moj svršetak
njen je pravi početak:
kad kraljuje dalje sama

***

Any poem about death is under the risk of being called emo nowadays. Miserable. Pathetic. But there was a time when a poet could write about death without being pathetic, while describing it to the tinniest detail. Understanding it. The sloppy translation to English, as always, is mine. People who understand Croatian, be happy because you can enjoy good poetry (without my butcher work!) :D (poem by Antun Branko Šimić)

Death and I

Death is not outside me. It is in me
from the foremost beginning: it grows with me
in every moment

One day
I stop
And it still grows
in me until it grows through me
and reaches my fringes. My ending
is its beginning:
when it rules alone